Adolescence: why parents do not understand their children

Every parent loves their child and wishes him all the very best.

  • What is the problem of misunderstanding?
  • Adolescence
  • Prohibitions and punishments
  • Attention

Everyone has a desire to raise a genius, outstanding in something special, a child.

So why then do parents not understand their children?

What is the problem of misunderstanding?

The answer is very simple. None of the adults wants their child to go through all those difficult and problematic stages of life that they themselves went through. They try their best to protect them from it. From childhood, parents do everything for their children, because they know how to do it better, faster and more correctly. But they forget that their child is also a person, with their own opinions, interests and preferences. After all, everyone heard when moms and dads try to determine the fate of their child in childhood: “He will be an athlete, politician, cook.” Or when, in adulthood, they choose a companion for their son or daughter, supposedly knowing with whom the union will be better.

Adolescence: why parents do not understand their children

But the parents aren’t entirely to blame either. Young mothers who have a lot of worries do not have time to fully devote time and attention to their child. They can listen to it, but not hear it. They think that children can’t say anything smart, so they ignore everything.

Even as they get older, children cannot achieve equality from their parents. They will remain for them children who do not understand anything. And that’s okay, because that’s how it should be. First, their parents teach them how to live, tell them how to do everything, and then in adulthood, they begin to defend their interests, their point of view.


At this age, children check in practice everything said by their parents. And this is normal, because it would be worse if at the age of 20, 30 he said: “But mom and dad said …”. They begin to check the correctness of the parents, whether the instructions of the parents are valid in the rules of life, in the norms of the family and society. And if parents teach children to look at the world realistically, then when children see that everything is so, they do not lose their authority. But, if they tremble over everything and give a lot of prohibitions and embellish some details of life, then they risk losing authority in the eyes of the child and he will no longer listen to them.

Adolescence: why parents do not understand their children

Prohibitions and punishments

When a child claims his rights, then you need to negotiate with him, find a compromise and discuss punishment in case of violation. And then the little person will be aware of the consequences and will not be offended, because he himself chose this. Also, do not forget that punishment is training, not bullying.

In adolescence, you should not use prohibitions at all. After all, in any case, the child will want to know why it is impossible, and check whether this is so. Therefore, another tactic is needed – to explain everything in terms of harm and benefit. So the child will have a choice, but he will also know the consequences.


In order for children to learn to love and be loved in adulthood, you need to show it in every possible way while he is still a baby. Do not lie to children, because when they grow up they will do the same. Leaving a baby with a nanny is also a bad habit. Who knows what she teaches him. And as statistics show, children who were brought up by a nanny or even a grandmother often come to a psychotherapist. It is important to play with them, have fun, develop, support in your endeavors.

What matters is how parents behave with each other. After all, this is an example for the future relationship of the child. It is worth controlling all your words, deeds, helping more often, showing love, treating each other with respect. It is also important to have a unified point of view in raising a child. Therefore, it is necessary to coordinate certain aspects of upbringing with each other before talking about it to the child.

All misunderstandings are only due to understatement and lack of dialogue. After all, the conversation of fathers and children is often prohibitions and reproaches. Therefore, it is important to have dialogues more often, to have patience and try to understand each other.

Photo: Pixabay

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